It has been way, way too long. My apologies!
The simple fact is that I've been drowning. Work, physical issues, end-of-school chaos with the kids, all of it. I know, I know...excuses!
The fact is that my own dissatisfaction with life in general has sapped my creativity. I do find bits and pieces here and there in the form of my first Bargello quilt, some gorgeous prom portraits, and some spectacular macros after a storm traipsed its way through my roses. But overall? Meh.
I'm finding myself sliding into the spiral of increased stress causing lower pain threshold, and as most spinning rides, it's making me pretty sick. I'm seriously tired of the constant battles to keep the swelling down and the flexibility up. I had to measure the atrophy points again because I needed to order replacement straps for my brace, and found that it's gotten worse. It now stands at 2.5" on the quad and 1.25 on the calf. Lovely.
But it seems like the peripheral bullshit is what's really getting to me. For example, I had several copyrighted photos stolen and altered. The best part? It was by my son's yearbook adviser. Nice, eh? I'm working towards resolving that particular issue shortly, but his impending final exams and graduation are really good reasons for a bit of restraint when it comes to timing.
And as usual, there's my job...our office at work has been given a monumental task by our client who wants to discontinue our contract, but cannot afford to do so this year. So the general opinion throughout the office is that the client is setting us up to fail so then they have "good reason" to bail in the next turn of the fiscal wheel. What makes me think this? Well, they change their minds on what they want every other week, but keep deadlines the same. They have people on their end who have responsibilities that must be accomplished in order for the project to progress, but those people won't do their job. The client refuses to own this problem, or to do anything about it. But guess who gets blamed? *ding* We have a winner!
So, like most people, I'm searching for an option, as it appears that my current option will indeed vanish at the end of 13 months from now. But then I got thinking...
Maybe there is a better way. I will definitely bust tail to find a "real" job like a responsible adult should. But ya know, maybe it's time to renew my efforts to complete a potentially beneficial project as well or even instead. It's possible. I'm trying to shift my paradigms yet again, working to mold the negative and the stress into potentially good moves. If I can shift some of the mental stress, maybe it'll help with the physical, no?
I do realize that my medical status is, well, static. "You're not going to walk again by yourself" is pretty clear, and the miracles of modern medicine hadn't quite caught up to my level of gimpyness. But we'll see. In the meantime, it's on me and no one else to break the pain cycle of stress. No one else can do it for me.
So it's time to get in gear. All 3 kids are college students as of next weekend. It's time to get my life together and make it happen. Amanda Palmer started a thread on her Twitter feed the other day that went viral pretty quickly. The basic premise, along with the hashtag, was "FuckPlanB." It makes total sense, if you think about it. If you hide in the shadows of a back up plan, what impetus do you have to make your true dreams happen?
Time to Fuck Plan B...how will YOU do it?
