As I was reading on Facebook the other day, my daughter's friend, the Dynamo, mentioned that she was stopped by someone on her way into class. The person asked the Dynamo, in all seriousness, what she did with Sunny, her guide dog, when the Dynamo was in class.
*blink*
Really?
So of course, being a smart ass, I joined in with several others of my questionable ilk and offered up some witty repartee that could've made for a quick response. Her professor, actually, posted the "winning" retort by saying that Sunny had been helping her grade papers and tests, but had a bad habit of sexting in class. I loved it.
It really got me thinking, though, about some of the dumb questions and assumptions that people have about any individual with a disability. I've been asked why I still work, how I run when I use a cane (?!), why I don't "just get physical therapy" or "just have surgery" to fix the issue, and many more. One of my favorite stories was when I had a clerk start speaking loudly and extremely slowly to me. I was kind of surprised, and didn't say anything, but when she counted out my change coin by coin, dollar by dollar, I got a little wary. After she was done, she patted my arm and said that I was very brave and strong, being out in the world by myself. I looked her straight in the eye and told her that while I couldn't walk like most people, my cognitive functioning was quite intact, unlike hers apparently was. She was offended, but guess what? So was I. Offended, insulted, and disgusted. Why assume an inability to care for oneself simply due to a disability?
Now, there are those who believe that being asked the stupid questions presents an opportunity for education, and that the flippant, sarcastic comebacks are not just disrespectful but destructive to the "community bond" that people with disabilities try to forge with "normal" people. OK, I'm going to take heat for this, but this is a place for honesty, so I'm not going to negate that now. First, in my not-at-all humble opinion, the condescension and obnoxiously intrusive questions convey a whole lot more disrespect than using humor to diffuse a potentially angry situation. Second, who in the ever loving hell came up with the idea that it is somehow our responsibility to forge a relationship with strangers who clearly don't respect us?
Maybe that seems unnecessarily harsh, but think about it. People will come up to someone with a disability and ask very personal questions without hesitation; they don't do that to the average Joe Public on the street. We are asked details about potentially traumatic events, we're asked to relive emotional struggles and to share our demons with strangers like they have some sort of right to know about them. What gives anyone the right? Don't get me wrong...when a little kid asks, "Why does she walk like that?" or "Why do you wear that?" or exclaims, "My grandma has a cane, too! Are you old like her?" I don't even blink. To me, that is the natural curiosity of a child coming through, and that, to me, truly is an opportunity for education. And yes, adult humans are curious as well, but adults are supposed to be hardwired with a modicum of discretion to temper that curiosity. Otherwise, instead of curious, they are perceived as merely intrusive and rude.
Next time you see someone in a wheelchair, with a guide dog, signing with a friend, or adapting in any other way, I implore you...stop and think. The question you're about to ask could make you look like a total ass. Consider that before you ask it!
